© Chris Sharp
It’s official, I have failed my challenge. Why am I telling you this? Because I must come to grips with it. The reality must be faced.
So what happened to me? Several things but most of it stemmed from having a mental breakdown. Before I go on let me quickly put any worries to rest, when I say mental breakdown I do not mean a straight jacket-psych-ward-padded cell type of breakdown. None the less, a mental breakdown is what happened.
I’m not sure exactly what the trigger was or if it wasn’t several triggers hitting me at once that caused me to fall off the writer’s wagon. Spiritually I am not where I need to be which is putting all kinds of nasty thoughts into my head. Joyce Meyer calls this “stinkin’ thinkin’” and she is right. When your soul is depressed and oppressed, negativity spreads through your being as a dark virus hiding in the shadows waiting to attach itself to thoughts passing by it and infecting them with its negative DNA. The whole weekend of the 16th was like that.
Physically my body is not up to par. I’ve always been one to go to bed way too late but it seems my age is catching up with my lack of sleep. It is affecting me physically, emotionally and mentally. I can’t go on three hours of sleep anymore.
So these things culminated over the weekend of 16th to drag me down, chew me up and spit me out. I was so groggy my morning pages were a blur of incomprehensible drivel. Even angry, psychotic yelling at one point. You should see what that page looks like.
My attempts at writing were horrible sessions staring off into space not caring if another word appeared on paper. Fear showed up as well telling me any sentence I tried to write would be worthless. There was no sense in even trying because anything that materialized on the paper would instantly be refuse destined for the literary dump.
“With Positive Mental Attitude, failure is a learning experience, a rung on the ladder, a plateau at which to get your thoughts in order and prepare to try again.” – W. Clement Stone
Truly every experience in your life should be a learning experience and my challenge failure has shown me basic things that I must change if I am to pursue my dreams.
- Sleep – Starting this week I’ve begun getting myself in bed before 11:00. This will give me seven hours of sleep unless the kids wake me up during the night which they are good for.
- Morning Pages – I’ve started back writing my morning pages when I wake up though now I’m trying to focus more on a subject instead of endless thoughts.
- Focus – Perhaps one reason for not completing my challenge is that it wasn’t specific enough as well as being too long to start with. I need to take smaller steps instead of jumping in all at once. The idea of diving in sounded good but in practice was not. I’ve got to concentrate on one thing at a time.
There are no bad experiences, only learning experiences. Even though I didn’t accomplish my challenge I did learn some things that I must work on. Never consider yourself a failure for not meeting a goal. Step back, evaluate what happened, learn from it and move on.
Do you have some advice for me? Leave a comment below. You’ll be helping me and other readers who may be going through the same thing. Don’t forget to subscribe.
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Endeavoring bite size challenges is truly the best start for which to tackle any part of your life you’re wanting to change. This is especially true if the changes one is trying to make include major life style altercations i.e, weight loss, quitting smoking or overcoming anxiety.
Personally, I too learned this the hard way. Often times, I would read about or hear firsthand the experience of another person making a positive radical transformation in their lives and spontaneously, I’d imagine myself embarking on that path albeit, one that I felt would apply to me but that initial fervor was there. That gusto to begin it, but the drive would dissapate and not long after, so would the clear cut path I had so imagined for myself.
So, in ending, bite size pieces worked for me instead of trying to take on the whole buffet. I never really needed dessert anyways:)
Inkpen we must be cut from the same cloth because the description of your walk down the lifestyle changes path sound very much like my journeys. I jump in with a full head of steam ready to conquer the world but then quickly run out of enthusiasm for the endeavor. Usually about two weeks into it though sometimes shorter than that.
However, this time I will not be swayed so quickly to give up. Writing is very enjoyable for me, as I’m sure it is with most writers. So even when I do trip over my feet and smash my nose in on the hard ground of learning, I will get up, beat the crap off, decide not to do that again and move on knowing that I am one more step closer to my dreams being realized.