What Others Think Of Me

Today I came across the blog The Open Wasteland of Empty Aspirations by blogger Topsy Krets.  Her January 25th post titled Self image intrigued me.

In it she says this about your self image:

…one’s self image is like the reflection in a mirror. You can choose certain aspects of you[r] image, even make changes, yet you are never fully in control of the image.

She is right of course.  You can change different aspects of yourself, eg. your hair style, clothes style, attitude, jewelry etc, but it really doesn’t matter what you do yourself because in the end people will draw their own conclusions about you.  And you’ll never satisfy everyone.

Topsy also talks about the memories that you never forget like the awkward moments, criticisms, embarrassments and I’ll add name calling.

I relive these moments every time I feel self-conscious, and while I’d like to say they make me stronger they usually reinforce my insecurity.

My memories definitely reinforce my insecurities at times.  I remember the boys that called me egghead in second grade.  Why do I remember that?  I can’t help remembering it.  The time in fifth grade I was asked if I was a queer (or maybe it was geek).  Why I was asked that I don’t know but not knowing what it meant I said yes.  That haunted me for the next year.

In high school my nickname was Booby because…well let’s just say I was slightly chubby which made my chest bigger than it should have been.  Although I never let on that I didn’t like the nickname, it did have an affect on me.  To this day I wear a t-shirt when swimming.

For some people having these difficulties in childhood does make them stronger, but I think for most it doesn’t.  They carry the memories with them throughout their adult lives.  Me being one of them that do.  I’m always worried what people think of me.  Although it doesn’t consume my life it is always there lingering in the background.  It likes to pop it’s head in every so often to let me know that it’s still there.

It is hard trying to believe that what others think of you doesn’t matter. As much as we try to believe that, in the end, it does matter. We want to be liked. We want to be cool.  Even as adults we still need the feeling of being accepted.

If you figured out how to not care what others think of you, please let me know.  What do you think of self image?  Leave a comment to have a discussion.